Recently, a lady came to see me and she had successfully stopped smoking with me and as she had enjoyed the success after 30 years of trying and failing to stop smoking, she was so happy that she felt capable of doing anything. She brought in what looked like a shopping list of things in her life that she wanted to change!

Just last week, I also got an email from someone that receives this ezine of mine, and they wanted all sorts of different things to happen in their life, and could no’t decide what to focus on.

So, this month, I thought I’d give you some pointers on helping yourself to know how to know what you want. Sounds a bit confusing, let me put that more simply; "How to know what you want."

In the late 1990s, and during most of the time I have ever been emloyed, I was doing jobs that I found to be unsatisfactory or that I simply did not enjoy. When I did my first self-hypnosis course and learned some of the main aspects of NLP, I was amazed by the resources that already existed within me and as I learned more about modern ideas of personal development, two questions became more and more insightful to me. Those two questions were (and still are..)

“What do you want?” and “How will you know you’ve got it?”

As the questions came up more and more, I realized I had not applied them to my self as I should have done. What did I want?

The more I asked myself that question, the less I knew the answer. However, I was sure of the fact that I didn’t want to keep doing what I was doing, and that the personal development fields I was discovering were to be involved with my future somehow.

So, as you stop and think with regards to your own situation in life, in whatever aspect of it, or of your life as a whole (not a hole!) have a good think and identify anything that is currently part of your life that you want to let go of in the future. Really think about that.

Almost everyone has examples of one sort or another. What about these ideas;

A current job you don’t enjoy. Unwanted habits that cause you problems.
Unable to spend time doing things that make you happy.

A dissatisfying relationship. A belief about yourself that does no’t serve you well.

Take a few moments and figure out what you no longer wish to have in your life. As per all my previous rantings, remember not to ficus on them too heavily, just know what they are for now.

Following that first discovery of self-hypnosis and the things I learned within it, I progressed to studying hypnotherapy, NLP, Emotional Intelligence, I went on courses all over the world, read hundreds of books, listened to audio programmes on hundreds of topics, I trained in all sorts of other therapies too.

Even after all that, I still was unsure about what I really wanted, but I did know what I didn’t want and I also knew what sort of direction I wanted to go in, and so I handed in my notice at work!

I knew that I wanted to have lots of time to spend furthering my studies, I knew that I wanted to have financial freedom and that I wanted to be doing work that fulfilled me and helped others, that I wanted to continue having lots of fun, excitement and adventure and of course that I wanted to be happy and wonderfully peaceful in myself. You have the benefit of someone else telling you how that happened to them so you do not have to embark on the same lengthy process, instead, you can follow the same steps in a far, far shorter period of time.

So, once you have identified the things that you would love to let go of or move away from in your life, the next step to take is to identify anything that is part of your life that you definitely want to continue in the future.

We all have good things in our lives; all of us. Some of us may not think so, but we do. Identify those aspects of your life you definitely choose to continue to have. They can include things like good health, intimate friendships, your home, feelings of happiness, a loving family, excitement and discovery or your income.

Then, once you have made sure of some (or all) of the wonderful things in your life you wish to continue, you can identify anything you would like to become part of your life in the future. Think about what you want in the future.

If you have sometimes had difficulty knowing what you wanted in the past, it can be good to choose big-scale things rather than small specifics. Think about what it is that you definitely want in your life in the future, no matter what?

This may include a loving relationship, a better income, fulfilling work, intimate friendships, personal development, good quality health and fitness, a sense of real happiness and other wonderful feelings.

These are examples of the big scale things, next you can begin to become more specific about them however, be careful not to over specify, by that I mean if you want to have fulfilling work, but you don’t know what you want to do, get specific about what has to happen for your work to be fulfilling, for example working with people, being outdoors, making a difference, able to learn something new everyday and so on – whatever ‘fulfilling’ means to you. Remember to think about what fulfilling really means to you and not just think about the examples that I have given here; that may not really be what you truly find to be fulfilling.

It is not necessary to be specific about what that work would necessarily be. Just set your target as ‘fulfilling work’, go through how you’ll know you’'ve got it, then let your unconscious mind do it’s magic.

So, you can see and begin to get a handle on what it is that you really want and once you know that, you can begin to work towards how to get that. You can go through other articles of mine to find out how to do that more easily.

Everybody loves a good story. Wouldn’'t you agree? For the generational impaired, once upon a not so long ago, there was a guy called Max Bygraves whose tag line was ‘I wanna tell you a story…’ And indeed he would and always it was a funny story because he knew how to deliver it. It was for each and every person in the audience and it was personal.

The Best Piece of Storytelling Magic

Every story resonated with something that had occurred in the experience of the listener and the teller made it even more confidential and intimate in the way he leaned toward his audience and used different tonality of voice and facial expression, small movements to lull the audience and make them focus more and they were with him every syllable, every gesture, every pause. Best piece of magic ever seen is someone telling a story someone who knows how to tell a story and why and when it should be told.

The Next Step

So, are you one of life’s storytellers? Can you carry a joke to a raucous end? Or, are you someone who has tried to amuse and enthrall at parties or in the pub, but to no avail? Have you been on the journey of self-knowledge and perhaps taken your NLP practitioners certificate, still not quite sure where that has taken you? Perhaps you’re unsure as to progression from there, what to do next, not quite ready for the Masters certificate and would like to take a little detour that explores the map of you in a little more depth?

Put Away Childish Things

It may well be that ‘ you have put away childish things’. But consider, is storytelling a childish thing? Our subconscious is, as a six-year-old child so should we not re learn how to engage it in ourselves and in others. Story telling is a many faceted and vastly satisfying thing to get to know.
Had it not been for my attending a storytelling course run by NLP Scotland I should never have been able to appreciate the creative genius of Mr Bygraves, or indeed of myself.

My Personal Experience

Four days of learning the Art of Storytelling and Metaphor and there are no limits to where my mind can take me. It has enabled me to reach my clients in a way that is all at once disarming, natural, unobtrusive, full of humor but still so deep and allowing the establishment of rapport and trust to develop much sooner with all ages.

Recommendations

I cannot recommend highly enough this course to anyone, especially those working with children, wishing to extend their own boundaries and ‘get’ what is going on with themselves. So, I suggest you get down and get Grimm, the next course is coming soon.

NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. The techniques of NLP are based in psychology and hypnosis. I have been using these techniques on other people and myself for years to improve my life and theirs.

Controlling someone without their knowledge does not have to be a bad thing. Think about it. You could help a friend end their self destructive behavior. That would be a good thing wouldn't it? You could motivate your children to do better in school without openly nagging and criticizing. That would be really good wouldn't it? So NLP is a really good thing isn't it?

If you can see the obvious manipulation in the above paragraph you already know and probably use some NLP without realizing it.  Neuro Linguistic Programming is simply put using words, inflection and body language to influence someones thought process. To make them think that your idea is their own. They obey because they think it was their idea.

There are far too many techniques to cover in one short article, but this is one you can start using immediately. The power of the pause. It has to do with the way our brains process language. Some people believe that listening is like reading. One word after the other stop at the period and digest the meaning and then begin the next sentence. Nothing could be further from the truth.  We don't talk in sentences. We talk in phrases, and we listen in phrases. While our conscious mind thinks we are listening to the whole sentence our unconscious mind is processing each phrase and gleaning meaning from the tone inflection and a million other subtle things we don't consciously notice.

A pause and sudden restart causes a mental hiccup in our language processor. Allowing a skilled user of NLP to slip in a hypnotic suggestion. Such as:

"Don't (pause) feel guilty about it. You know you shouldn't (pause) feel like you have to make it up to me."

The conscious mind hears the whole statement. The unconscious has a hiccup and processes the command. "...feel guilty about it." "...feel like you have to make it up to me."

This also works with positive statements. "You have good reason to (pause) be proud of your accomplishment." "You should should (pause) feel confident. You know (pause) you are very good at this."

Why not just say these words of encouragement without the pause? Because the conscious mind can resist. We all have doubt swirling around in our heads. We think about what could go wrong and how embarrassed we will be if it does. The conscious mind is nervous and afraid. The unconscious simply processes what it hears. The unconscious simply does as it's told. Tell it to feel and it feels. Tell it to doubt and it doubts.

Neuro Linguistic Programming can be a powerful tool to get what you want out of life. To heal or to hurt, so use it wisely. Make someone your slave and you will end up with him dependent on you, unable to make the simplest choice without your input.

We all know how smoking can be a hard to quit habit for thousands, if not millions, of people across the globe. Yeah, smoking sucks and you may be in the situation when smoking is more like a drug for you. Unfortunately for you, smoking can kill you, so it is best to quit as soon as possible.

But is NLP the answer?

According to studies, NLP has proven to be an effective method to quit smoking forever. However is not as simple as going through a session and Voila!! Problem solved.

Certain conditions must be met in order to NLP treatment to work.

Let's go over this conditions:

1.A true desire to quit smoking. This is crucial, but is often overlooked, you have to get in touch with yourself and make a true decision. This means you have to think for yourself also. If you're being carried to a treatment, well then it won't work. Because it is not YOUR desire. Maybe you should read about all the real dangers of smoking, I'm sure then you will have a real reason to stop smoking.

2.External support. That's right the first condition involved the inner world, but sometimes the outside world works against us. First and foremost your family and/or immediate surroundings must be supportive, this means that they will understand you and avoid any temptation to you. It is important for them not to mistake support with censorship.

When we are told not to do something we crave for doing it.

An NLP treatment with those 2 conditions met, is very powerful. But is also very important to use a proper trained NLP  practicioner that can truly help you. A lot of people get caught on prices, but price most of the time comes with quality. Ask all the questions you have to ask, and seek the best resource. A healthy mind and body is priceless, and once you become aware that is possible to quit smoking using NLP, you will find that everything is possible.